The Tone of the Voice

The Tone of the Voice


It’s not so much what you say

As the manner in which you say it;

It’s not so much the language you use

As the tone in which you convey it;

“COME HERE!” I sharply said,

And the child cowered and wept.

“Come here,” I said —

He looked and smiled

And straight into my lap he crept.

Words may be mild and fair

And the tone may pierce like a dart;

Words may be soft as the summer air

But the tone may break my heart;

For words come from the mind

Grow by study and art —

But tone leaps from the inner self

Revealing the state of the heart.

Whether you know it or not,

Whether you mean or care,

Gentleness, kindness, love and hate,

Envy, anger are there.

Then, would you quarrels avoid

And peace and love rejoice?

Keep anger not only out of your words —

Keep it out of your voice.


Our ‘meta-communication’ tells the truth.  Meta-communication is everything that is not verbalized.  Body language, tone, tempo and rate of voice all communicate what you are really thinking and feeling.  This is what others react to and this is how we can shut down healthy and effective communication.  Be aware of what you are really communicating and make efforts to be honest and open so your outsides match what’s going on inside.


  • Commit for Life
  • Increase the positive, decrease the negative
  • Celebrate each other’s individuality
  • Honor the couple—“Team Smith”
  • Listen more
  • Listen for the heart behind the words
  • Talk to share, not dominate
  • Collaboration, not competition
  • Set aside a regular time each day for each other
  • Be open and honest
  • Develop a sense humor about yourself
  • Respect each other’s boundaries
  • Define and address problems together
  • Focus on the problem, not the person
  • Realize most stuff is not a big deal, it’s just not to your liking
  • Look for new options
  • Resolve conflicts and move on
  • Forgive daily
  • ABSOLUTELY NO abuse, adultery, abandonment, neglect
  • Addiction and substance abuse destroys relationships- stay away from it, or get help.
  • Nurture your spiritual life, together and separately
Copyright 2012- by  Debbie M. Hanson
Office Phone: 251-626-5797
About the author: Debbie Hanson met her true love in 1985. They have been married since 1988.


Knowing Who Your are in God

A meek person is not a human mouse afflicted with a sense of his own inferiority. Rather, he may be in his moral life as bold as a lion and as strong as Samson; but he has stopped being fooled about himself. He has accepted God’s estimate of his own life. He knows he is as weak and helpless as God has declared him to be, but he knows at the same time that, in the sight of God, he is more important than angels. In himself, nothing; in God, everything. He knows that the world will never see him as God sees him and he has stopped caring.

What Is “Relapse Prevention Therapy”?

What Is “Relapse Prevention Therapy”?

relapse preventionRelapse does not ‘just happen’

There are long chains of beliefs, perceptions, thoughts, feelings, urges, actions, and social reactions that lead to using alcohol or other drugs after making a serious commitment not to.

Recovering people have the choice – do I use alcohol or other drugs or do I stay abstinent. Many recovering people, however; either are not aware that they have the choice, or else they do not know what they need to do in order to make the choice. As a result, they feel trapped because they can only see the immediate situation that is trapping them. At the moment when they decide to use alcohol or other drugs, they are in a high-risk situation that, in their minds, gives them ‘no choice’ but to use. (T. Gorski, Lecture: The Recovery & Relapse History).

Relapse Prevention Therapy is a psychotherapy process that teaches clients how to identify and manage the core personality and lifestyle problems that cause them to keep putting themselves in high-risk situations. Relapse Prevention Therapy works with identifying and managing core personality and lifestyle problems that can make people so uncomfortable in recovery that using alcohol or other drugs seems like a good idea.

What is the Difference Between Relapse Prevention Therapy and Relapse Prevention Counseling?

The primary focus of Relapse Prevention Counseling is to teach the client how to do something different. The thoughts and feelings that get in the way of doing something different to manage these situations without relapsing are identified and changed. But, unlike Relapse Prevention Therapy, there is no attempt to identify or resolve underlying core issues.

For more information, please call (251)626-5797.


To say that God forgives us for our misdeeds is not a statement about God, about God’s emotional generosity. It is more of a statement about us. To feel forgiven is to feel free to step into the future unburdened by the mistakes of our past, encouraged by the knowledge that we can grow and change and need not repeat the same mistakes again. Forgiving others and ourselves is taking a bold step into power.

Personal Wealth

An author once wrote that voluntary simplicity is choosing to live more frugally on the material side of life so we can live more abundantly on the spiritual side of life. To have what we want is riches, but to be able to do without is power. In this sense, a person’s wealth is measured by the amount of things they can afford to do without.