The Tone of the Voice

The Tone of the Voice


It’s not so much what you say

As the manner in which you say it;

It’s not so much the language you use

As the tone in which you convey it;

“COME HERE!” I sharply said,

And the child cowered and wept.

“Come here,” I said —

He looked and smiled

And straight into my lap he crept.

Words may be mild and fair

And the tone may pierce like a dart;

Words may be soft as the summer air

But the tone may break my heart;

For words come from the mind

Grow by study and art —

But tone leaps from the inner self

Revealing the state of the heart.

Whether you know it or not,

Whether you mean or care,

Gentleness, kindness, love and hate,

Envy, anger are there.

Then, would you quarrels avoid

And peace and love rejoice?

Keep anger not only out of your words —

Keep it out of your voice.


Our ‘meta-communication’ tells the truth.  Meta-communication is everything that is not verbalized.  Body language, tone, tempo and rate of voice all communicate what you are really thinking and feeling.  This is what others react to and this is how we can shut down healthy and effective communication.  Be aware of what you are really communicating and make efforts to be honest and open so your outsides match what’s going on inside.


  • Commit for Life
  • Increase the positive, decrease the negative
  • Celebrate each other’s individuality
  • Honor the couple—“Team Smith”
  • Listen more
  • Listen for the heart behind the words
  • Talk to share, not dominate
  • Collaboration, not competition
  • Set aside a regular time each day for each other
  • Be open and honest
  • Develop a sense humor about yourself
  • Respect each other’s boundaries
  • Define and address problems together
  • Focus on the problem, not the person
  • Realize most stuff is not a big deal, it’s just not to your liking
  • Look for new options
  • Resolve conflicts and move on
  • Forgive daily
  • ABSOLUTELY NO abuse, adultery, abandonment, neglect
  • Addiction and substance abuse destroys relationships- stay away from it, or get help.
  • Nurture your spiritual life, together and separately
Copyright 2012- by  Debbie M. Hanson
Office Phone: 251-626-5797
About the author: Debbie Hanson met her true love in 1985. They have been married since 1988.