It’s not so much what you say

As the manner in which you say it;

It’s not so much the language you use

As the tone in which you convey it;

“COME HERE!” I sharply said,

And the child cowered and wept.

“Come here,” I said —

He looked and smiled

And straight into my lap he crept.

Words may be mild and fair

And the tone may pierce like a dart;

Words may be soft as the summer air

But the tone may break my heart;

For words come from the mind

Grow by study and art —

But tone leaps from the inner self

Revealing the state of the heart.

Whether you know it or not,

Whether you mean or care,

Gentleness, kindness, love and hate,

Envy, anger are there.

Then, would you quarrels avoid

And peace and love rejoice?

Keep anger not only out of your words —

Keep it out of your voice.

Our ‘meta-communication’ tells the truth.  Meta-communication is everything that is not verbalized.  Body language, tone, tempo and rate of voice all communicate what you are really thinking and feeling.  This is what others react to and this is how we can shut down healthy and effective communication.  Be aware of what you are really communicating and make efforts to be honest and open so your outsides match what’s going on inside.

Relapse does not ‘just happen’

There are long chains of beliefs, perceptions, thoughts, feelings, urges, actions, and social reactions that lead to using alcohol or other drugs after making a serious commitment not to.

Recovering people have the choice – do I use alcohol or other drugs or do I stay abstinent. Many recovering people, however; either are not aware that they have the choice, or else they do not know what they need to do in order to make the choice. As a result, they feel trapped because they can only see the immediate situation that is trapping them. At the moment when they decide to use alcohol or other drugs, they are in a high-risk situation that, in their minds, gives them ‘no choice’ but to use. (T. Gorski, Lecture: The Recovery & Relapse History).

Relapse Prevention Therapy is a psychotherapy process that teaches clients how to identify and manage the core personality and lifestyle problems that cause them to keep putting themselves in high-risk situations. Relapse Prevention Therapy works with identifying and managing core personality and lifestyle problems that can make people so uncomfortable in recovery that using alcohol or other drugs seems like a good idea.

What is the Difference Between Relapse Prevention Therapy and Relapse Prevention Counseling?

The primary focus of Relapse Prevention Counseling is to teach the client how to do something different. The thoughts and feelings that get in the way of doing something different to manage these situations without relapsing are identified and changed. But, unlike Relapse Prevention Therapy, there is no attempt to identify or resolve underlying core issues.

For more information, please call (251)626-5797.

No Blog post this week BUT did find a really neat poster on the web:

Call 1-800-985-5990 or text “TalkWithUs” to 66746.

The recent shooting at the Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Connecticut, continues to bring out strong emotions across the Nation. The Disaster Distress Helpline, 1-800-985-5990, can provide immediate counseling to anyone who needs help in dealing with the many issues and problems that might arise from this tragedy.

Sponsored by the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA), the Helpline immediately connects callers to trained and caring professionals from the closest crisis counseling center in the nationwide network of centers. Helpline staff will provide confidential counseling, referrals, and other needed support services.

The Disaster Distress Helpline is a 24-hours-a-day, 7-days-a-week national hotline dedicated to providing disaster crisis counseling. The toll-free Helpline is confidential and multilingual, and available for those who are experiencing psychological distress as a result of natural or man-made disasters, incidents of mass violence, or any other tragedy affecting America’s communities.

Our texting service also is available to Spanish speakers. Text “Hablanos” to 66746 for 24/7 emotional support.

TTY for Deaf/Hearing Impaired: 1-800-846-8517

The Helpline also can be accessed online at http://disasterdistress.samhsa.gov/”>http://disasterdistress.samhsa.gov/.

“Every one has a family of origin and almost no one knows how to cope with them.  You love them; they drive you crazy.  You wish holidays and phone calls didn’t always end up like your own private reality show where you never get to turn the channel.”

–Andra Medea, author of Going Home Without Going Crazy

Surrounded by our family of origin we, too often, leave our adult lives dazed and confused out on the sidewalk.  We find ourselves in painful old roles, with all the emotional baggage that goes with them.  Sometimes it is easy to get caught up in the excitement of going home…seeing your old neighborhood and friends; enjoying your mothers cooking and your childhood bed…you enter the front door with a smile on your face, and you’re unprepared for the immediate criticism you get from your parents, or the mockery of your siblings.  As you experience the same reaction that you always do (withdraw? Get angry? Want to cry?) you remember why this pilgrimage has become an annual event no more.

As we begin to address the ways we have been affected by our families and begin to change the ways we relate to others as well as ourselves, we will find ourselves moving from a position of adhering to rigid role(s) to building from the strengths of each of them.  Our family roles have become the framework for our behaviors in all aspects of life.  Our roles affect choices about careers, partners, friends, family and children, co-workers, and the way we feel about ourselves.  Especially the way we feel about ourselves.  These roles have framed our sense of identity.  In recovery we ask, “Who am I, if I am not the role I have played all my life?”

Spending the holidays with family pushes our buttons and re-opens old wounds.  In a dysfunctional family we learn ways of thinking that lead to confusion, disorganization, and inner conflict.  We learn to believe in ideas that have no basis in reality.  Recovery teaches us how to achieve The Five Freedoms In A Healthy Family…

1.)        The freedom to see what I want to see.  (To perceive what is here and now rather than what was in the past, what may be in the future or what should be due to rigid roles.)

2.)        The freedom to feel what I feel.  (Rather than what I should feel.)

3.)        The freedom to know what I know.  (Rather than what I should know.)

4.)        The freedom to be who I am.  (Rather than whom I should be according to family roles.)

5.)        The freedom to want and choose what I want.  (rather than what I should want.) – To pursue my own self-actualization rather than playing a rigid role or always playing it safe.

It is important during the holidays that we surround ourselves equally with people who know and accept us for who we are and not the roles we are used to playing.  This will

make the risk of being different with our family, stepping out of old roles, less traumatic.